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EQ and IQ in Students

It’s very sad, but very true. This past week, the sixth student fell from a hotel balcony in Panama City, Florida to his death, during spring break. Tragic.

What grabbed my attention about these stories of high school and college students is this. In every case, the parents said: “But he was a really good kid. A very smart kid.” I don’t doubt it. Unfortunately, these stories are sad commentaries on two realities. One, the affect of alcohol on young people. And two, the blindness of parents to the issue of emotional intelligence.

You see, I am sure every one of those kids was smart. Their IQ was high, they were savvy; no doubt their SAT scores were going to get them scholarships at Notre Dame. But there is a difference between high IQ and high EQ. The emotional intelligence issue is what we, adults, miss. A student with a high IQ and low EQ can dupe a parent (or any adult for that matter) into thinking that s/he is a mature young person, when in fact, they are still emotionally a child. They are not ready for adult responsibility, even when they seem like they are.

A highly emotionally intelligent kid is both in touch with their emotions and in control of their emotions. They are self-aware, they are able to manage their lives, they are socially aware, and they experience healthy relationships. I believe millions of kids across America have deceived their parents — and themselves — into thinking they are fully ready for adult challenges, like spring break in Florida, when in fact, they are not ready for such challenges, emotionally.

To be honest, this is also true for many adults. We can be mature intellectually (our minds are astute and we are articulate) and volitionally (our will is strong and we are able to pursue our goals), but we can be retarded emotionally. We can be terribly behind in our ability to negotiate tough life situations, to handle relationship conflict, to respond to criticism, to receive praise… or even to discipline ourselves to avoid alcohol. The fact is, we all mature at different paces and in different areas. Parents, teachers, coaches, youth pastors, and employers of students need to take into account these different categories of maturation and lead young people appropriately. As a parent and leadership trainer, I have worked with my own kids in these areas, giving special attention to developing their EQ. My daughter Bethany is serving in three leadership roles at her university, not because she has a high IQ but a robust EQ. It’s the stuff good leaders are made of, and one we often are blind to when it comes to measuring maturity. Let’s take our blinders off.

Tim

In: Education, Generation Y, Parenting, Students











When my kids were growing up, we read a Dr. Seuss’ book called, And To Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street. It was all about the unpredictable events that took place in a most unlikely neighborhood.


This week, Growing Leaders (our non-profit organization) took a six-person team to Cairo, Egypt. Like the children’s book, I felt we saw things I would have never predicted two decades ago.


For years, we have worked with a partner who has helped us gather top youth workers and students from all over the nation for leadership training. Over the years, we have met the following goals:

  • Prepared youth workers to mentor ten students from their youth group
  • Led a Habitudes event for 1,000 student leaders from across Egypt
  • Translated and published the first three Habitudes books in Arabic
  • Built a partnership in Cairo with a great church that provides training in country for young people and workers around the Arab world

This year, our team co-hosted a three-day conference for over 360 youth workers in Wadi, about an hour outside of Cairo. They came from 10 cities. Their response was amazing. It was a “train-the-trainer” event for these adult leaders to return to their communities and equip students to be leaders. They got it. Let me share some highlights…


During the event, nine of the leaders got on stage and led a session where they taught a Habitude in Arabic for their colleagues. They were incredibly creative, using video, drama, stories, interviews, and diagrams.


During the event, there was laughter and tears as we committed ourselves to preparing the next generation in Egypt to lead the way in the future, as they assume key roles in business, government, education, and ministry the Middle East.


Fawzy, the translator for our team, said to us: “Do you realize what a key meeting this is? We have gathered the top youth leaders in our nation and didn’t just give them an emotion. We prepared them to be trainers for our youth. They and the students they lead represent the future of this nation.”


Our U.S. team was made up of Growing Leaders staff, friends, partners, and donors who care about equipping the next generation to lead. My dad even got to go on this trip. He turns 80 this year—and he loved the Egyptian people. We all fell in love with them as we got to know each other and shared common struggles, challenges and strategies.


Who would have thought this could happen? In this land that is almost always profiled as the “bad people” in scripture… in this land that is halfway around the world… and in this land that is now 90% Muslim, and often perceived as disinterested in Judeo-Christian values—we have built a bond of friendship and encouragement. In fact, we now have a whole bunch of new friends on Facebook!


We now plan to collaborate on a huge student and youth leader event in the future. It would include thousands students and adults from all over the Middle East for training. Our goal—to transform the atmosphere of this tumultuous region of the world.


I believe in miracles.


Tim

In: Culture, Generation Y, Leadership, Students

Quiet Giants and Unsung Heroes

Captain Kangaroo passed away on January 23, 2004 at age 76. This is a bit odd to me because, frankly, he always looked to be 76, when I watched him on TV as a kid. He always came across as this meek, gentle guy who found his niche with kids. Flipping through channels on my TV remote recently, I saw him again on a re-run—which reminded me of the following story.

Movie star, Lee Marvin was interviewed years ago by Johnny Carson on the Tonight Show. Before becoming an actor, Lee was a genuine hero. He won the Navy Cross at Iwo Jima during World War II. But that night, on the show, he shared an interesting fact I didn’t know.

“Yeah, yeah… I got shot square in the bottom and they gave me the Cross for securing a hot spot about halfway up Suribachi. But, Johnny, at Iwo, I served under the bravest man I ever knew… We both got the Cross the same day, but what he did for his Cross made mine look cheap in comparison. That dumb guy actually stood up on Red Beach and directed his troops to move forward and get the hell off the beach. Bullets flying by, with mortar rounds landing everywhere and he stood there as the main target of gunfire so that he could get his men to safety. He did this on more than one occasion because his men’s safety was more important than his own life. That Sergeant and I have been lifelong friends. Johnny, I’m not lying, Sergeant Keeshan was the bravest man I ever knew.”

Johnny Carson smiled in amazement, because that sergeant’s name was Bob Keeshan. You and I and the rest of the world know him as Captain Kangaroo.”

But Captain Kangaroo wasn’t the only quiet giant who never called attention to himself. Life is full of individuals you’d vote “least likely to be heroes.” There was this wimpy little man on PBS, who passed away gently and quietly just like Bob Keeshan. His name was Mr. Rogers. He died on February 27, 2003 at the age of 74. You’d never know who he was by training because of what he portrays on TV, even today.

I read recently Fred Rogers was a U.S. Navy Seal, combat-proven with over twenty-five confirmed kills to his name. He wore a long-sleeved sweater on his show, to cover the many tattoos on his forearm and biceps. He was a master in small arms and hand-to-hand combat, able to disarm or kill in a heartbeat. Once famous, he never liked to refer to these days in his younger life.

After the war, Fred Rogers became an ordained Presbyterian minister and therefore a pacifist. Vowing to never harm another human and also dedicating the rest of his life to trying to help lead children on the right path in life. He hid away the tattoos and his past life and won our hearts with his quiet wit and charm.

I find it interesting that these two men, Captain Kangaroo and Mr. Rogers, both decided to silently transition from a war hero and to invest their lives in the next generation. Somehow they became convinced that the best way to live a “hero’s” life is to equip kids to be those heroes, too. Those two saved dozens of men and women on the battle field in World War II. But, they’ve likely done more good since their war hero days working with young people. In actuality, they may have saved millions of young lives by teaching kids to live honorable lives; training them to speak honestly, share generously and act kindly.

America’s real heroes don’t flaunt what they did; they quietly go about their day-to-day lives, doing what they do best. These two men earned our respect during wartime. But, they deserve our admiration by how they chose to spend their lives once the war was over.

Look around and see if you can find one of those heroes in your midst. If you do, express your appreciation for them. Often, they are the ones you’d least suspect, but would most like to have on your side if anything ever happened. They are courageous. They are self-effacing. They are visionary. They’re wise in how they invest their time.

One more thing. Take the time to see people, especially young people, through the eyes of possibility. With encouragement they could be the next Captain Kangaroo or Mr. Rogers. Then, evaluate how you are investing your time right now. How much of what you do is about providing for the next generation coming behind you?

The more we go about our business—this great work of pouring into the next generation—the more we join the ranks of Bob Keeshan and Fred Rogers, and earn the title: Quiet Giants.

Tim

In: Culture, Generation iY, Students

It Was My Pleasure….

Have you ever been a part of a project that required intense focus and labor, but afterward you wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world?
Last Thursday and Friday, our organization, Growing Leaders, hosted our 2009 National Leadership Forum. I would describe it with the words above. Our theme was: “Niche: Equipping Students to Find Their Place in the World.” We hosted over 150 school administrators, faculty, campus staff, and youth workers from across the nation in Atlanta, and heard from authors like Dr. Neil Howe (Millennials Rising), Mark Bauerlein (The Dumbest Generation), Steve Moore (The Dream Cycle), Tim Tassopoulos (Putting Your Strengths to Work), Jerry Pattengale (The Purpose Guided Student) and others.
Here are some of the highlights from the Forum…
* Neil Howe suggested we work with the Helicopter Parents and the Idealistic Students 
          instead of becoming frustrated with them. Don’t try to change them–work with them.
* Mark Bauerlein suggested schools aren’t preparing students for the real world, so we
           must build a bridge for them via trust. Faculty must invite students into a relationship.
* Jerry Pattengale suggested students use the Wedge Principle and narrow their field of 
           interest. They often must become dissatisfied before they can find satisfaction in a major.
* Steve Moore told us our growth is tied to relationships, events, books and experiences.
          The more we can capitalize and be intentional about tying them to our dream the better.
* Tim Tassopoulos reminded us our greatest potential for growth and for finding our niche
           is in our natural area of strength. When we find that, discovering our niche will follow.
Some good news. Several attendees said they would love to get the “Niche Package” at the Forum but could not because their budget year begins July 1st.  The package included:
1. DVD Kit entitled: “The Life You Were Meant to Live” 
2. The Workbook, “A Life of Influence” 
If you would like the special price we offered at the Forum for this package, we will extend the offer during the month of July only.  It is a $72 retail price. Our special price is $40.
Or, you can get a Teacher Package: The “Life You Were Meant to Live” DVD and ten (10) books (A Life of Influence). The retail price is $135. Our special price is $100.
Whether or not you attended, we are offering this special for the month of July. Just call Gabe: (678) 367-4189. It’s your call.
 
May you help the young leaders around you find their “niche.”
Tim
In: Growth, Leadership, Mission, Niche, Purpose, Students

Join us for the 2012 National Leadership Forum more info